she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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