ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
