Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize