I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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