96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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