he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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