Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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