but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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