So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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