I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
