I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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