Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
