If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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