Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
