I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
