when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
