I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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