so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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