Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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