I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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