no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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