Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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