I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
