So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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