i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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