So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
