I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
