Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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