Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
