I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
