I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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