Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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