in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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