seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
