i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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