My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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