Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
