You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
