come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
