hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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