my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
