he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
