she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
