You made me cry and you don't even care
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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