I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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