grandma shit on top of the toilet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
