Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
