I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
