went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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