And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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