I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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