cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
