so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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