We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All the doctor said was why
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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