So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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