It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
