I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize