I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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