man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize