I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
