Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
