He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
