Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
