just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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