Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
