OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize