the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
