we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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