In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
