Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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