I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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